


We're not quite transient

by maliwanhellfire



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Kind of a fix it fic, Krem has a cameo, M/M, Warden!Felix, demisexual Felix, negotiating polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 19:36:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5940607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maliwanhellfire/pseuds/maliwanhellfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Felix joined the Wardens, he thought he'd never see Dorian again. He dealt with it the way most healthy adults do; by getting an enormous chest tattoo. </p><p>Years later, after the Clusterfuck that is Adamant, Felix meets the Bull on the road to Skyhold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're not quite transient

“Don’t get many ‘Vints among the Wardens,” the Qunari said.

Felix smiled at him mildly. He knew that he wasn’t going to be the most popular man in the Inquisition, being that he was a Warden, a ‘Vint, and a mage, but he saw no reason to play to type.

“What makes you say I’m a ‘Vint?” Felix asked.

The Qunari grinned in a way that showed off all his teeth, and it said something of his manner that Felix wasn’t sure if he was being friendly or threatening. Felix was probably half his size, even ignoring the horns that were spread out to the man’s shoulders. There was still a few feet between them. Enough space to dodge if Felix needed to.

“You all have the same haircut,” the other man said. “And the voice too, now I’ve heard it.”

“You know what they say, you can take the Tevinter out of Tevinter, but you can’t take Tevinter out of the ‘Vint.”

The Qunari laughed, and it was deep and seemingly well-intended. Felix felt his shoulders loosen at the sound.

“The Iron Bull,” the Qunari said, holding out a large, scarred hand.

“Felix,” he replied, taking it.

 

\---

 

“How’d you join?” the Iron Bull asked.

It was night, five days into their journey. The hours of marching had started to bleed together, one to the next, with only short, terse evenings by the fire imbetween. The other members of the Inquisition tended to be a little hostile to the Wardens, justifiably. The Bull didn’t seem to care.

“I got the Blight,” Felix said. “I figured I’d see if they had a place for me, given that it’s their specialty… They took me on.”

“Huh,” the Iron Bull said. “How’s that work? Joining after you get the Blight?”

“Well that would be telling, wouldn’t it?” Felix replied, tilting his head to the side and fanning out his hands.

There were some things that were not to be spoken of outside the Wardens. Luckily, The Iron Bull did not seem offended. His eye was keen, but his expression was still easy, jovial.

“Pretty nice life, being a mage in Tevinter. You miss it?”

He’d never been much of a mage in the first place. Felix shook his head, before pausing. He rubbed his hand over his chest, where part of his tattoo showed through his loose collar.

“One thing,” Felix said.

“Show me yours and I’ll show you mine,” the Iron Bull said, flexing his bicep, showing off the patterns that adorned his skin.

“I know that’s vitaar,” Felix said, and the Bull chuckled. “But fine.”

He slipped his shirt off, turning his torso towards the campfire so the Bull could see. His chest piece was ornate by anyone’s standards, and definitely the sort of thing he wouldn’t have been able to get in Tevinter. As it was, he’d found a suitable artist in Rivain, someone who liked birds and wouldn’t know what the peacock might mean, or the shield it rested on.

 _Amatus_ written in big letters over his heart took some of the subtlety away, though.

The Iron Bull’s eye went sharp as he caught sight of the text, and Felix had the uncomfortable thought that maybe the Bull knew enough about Tevinter heraldry to understand the message. He fought the urge to cover his ink, and tamped down his paranoia. How in Thedas could a Qunari know about the noble houses of Tevinter, as many as there were of them?

“You left someone behind,” the Bull said.

Felix nodded.

“It never would have worked, they were engaged and I was about to be,” he said. “But it was important, none the less.”

“How long ago was it?” the Bull asked.

“Mmm, three years,” Felix said. “Enough time for us both to move on.”

“Have you?”

“I have,” Felix said, cutting himself off to chuff out a small laugh. “No, not really, but if you’re asking if I still get laid from time to time, the answer’s yes.”

The Bull’s laughter was loud enough to spook the horses. Felix could see some of the Inquisition’s soldiers watching them curiously, more focused on the Bull than on Felix. He thought he understood what the Bull was trying to do. He was grateful.

 

\---

 

The Bull wasn’t normally what Felix looked for in men. He was a little too old, too big, too similar in disposition. Not unattractive, certainly, just not what usually attracted _him_. And yet, he found himself thinking about it. It would be fun. He hadn’t had a lot of fun, in recent years.

“You know,” Felix said. “The rear caravan hasn’t got much in it.”

“That right?” the Bull asked.

“Mmm, just tarp and hay.”

The Bull looked down at Felix, and then looked even more down, from Felix’s eyes to his toes. The Bull made a wistful grumbling noise under his breath.

“Not saying I wouldn’t like to,” The Bull said. “But maybe ask me after we get to Skyhold.”

Felix quirked his brows in question.

“There’s some that might mind if I got rowdy while on the job,” he added.

“I didn’t know anyone was watching you,” Felix said.

“You’d be surprised,” the Bull said.

“Change your mind, let me know,” Felix said.

Felix left the other man’s company for his own bedroll, but he thought he heard one last snippet of conversation as he went.

“I am a damn _saint_ ,” the Bull said quietly, and it sounded like he was talking to himself more than anyone else.

 

\---

 

Skyhold was what his mother would have charitably called ‘a fixer-upper’, from what Felix could see of it. There was scaffolding over the walls, and some of the brick work was in need of repair. It was solid though, and from what he could hear, lively. There was laughter in the distance, drifting in over the sounds of their marching.

Maybe Felix would be happy for a while, maybe he’d get a chance to rest. It had been so long since he’d had a home.

“Look, Felix,” the Bull said, right before they passed the main gate. “I don’t want you to think I kept anything from you, but, there might be someone you know here.”

“Who?” Felix asked. “I wasn’t the most social man, back in the day. My magic wasn’t enough to make me worth knowing.”

“Didn’t want to work you up on day one of a week long journey, but I’m fairly sure the name Pavus rings a bell.”

Felix’s heart froze, and then began to beat so hard and fast, it felt like a drum in his chest.

“Is it… is it Dorian?” Felix asked.

“Yeah, Dorian Pavus,” the Bull said, something reserved in his voice.

Would Dorian even want to see him? It had been so long, and Felix had left so abruptly. He’d never even written him, beyond once. He’d moved too frequently, and the thought of sending letters with no reply, of disrupting Dorian’s life even more with something beyond hopeless, it had paralysed him. Even worse, the lingering fear that his attentions would read as desperate, selfish… that they might push Dorian into hating him. Did Dorian hate him anyway, for leaving as he had?

But then Felix looked up into the courtyard, past all the curious faces, come to see the Wardens. Right near the wall, propped up against the stone, stance as nonchalant as his expression was not, there was Dorian. He was looking through the ranks, scanning over everyone. His fingers were clenched in his sleeves. It was unlikely that Dorian would be able to pick him from the crowd, all armoured and identically dressed, and Felix holding a sword instead of a staff.

He could put it off if he wanted to. Wait, until he’d sat down a moment and had a drink of water. He could pretend to be surprised, no matter how he was received.

Felix took his helmet off instead, and the movement was enough to draw Dorian’s eye.

“I, uh, I have to go,” Felix said.

“Good luck, kid,” the Bull replied, quietly.

He slipped out of formation easily, the long journey having left everyone slow and tired. Dorian didn’t move from his place by the wall, but he did straighten, his hands shaking so much that Felix could see it. Felix felt his helmet drop from his lax fingers and he didn’t bother to pick it up.

“Dorian?” he asked.

Dorian’s eyes were shining, and they weren’t quite so green as he remembered them being, not as vivid as they’d been in all the dreams Felix had of him, all the many dreams he’d had in the years they’d been apart. For all of that, Felix liked the real thing better. So long as it was real, and not something he’d thought up, so tired from the road that he was seeing things.

“Maker, please tell me it’s you,” Felix said.

Felix saw Dorians right hand clasp over his left, the fingers pinching at the skin between thumb and index.

“Have I gone mad?” Dorian asked, taking a step closer to him.

“Years ago,” Felix said, thinking back to long-gone days and old conversations, everything they’d shared between them.

There was a moment where Dorian was stiff and still, looking up and over Felix’s shoulder. Whatever he saw, it brought out a short laugh that sounded very much like a sob, and after that he softened again, looked back to Felix again, body starting to shake. Felix took two strides, until there was no space between them, and Dorian was in his arms again, and everything hurt _worse_ than it had just moments before, but a better hurt, because Dorian was clutching him back, hand cupping the back of his head, tears flowing from his lovely eyes.

“Thank the maker,” Dorian said. “Oh, thank you, thank you...”

Felix kissed him, long and sweet and careful, and it felt like coming home.

 

\---

 

“I have something I need to tell you,” Felix said. “Before, um, before we…”

Dorian pulled Felix’s chest armour over his head, the straps only half undone. Felix’s tunic was disturbed in the process, but it remained intact.

“Can it wait?” Dorian asked, voice tense, his fingers scrambling at the laces of Felix’s pants.

Maker, there was a time when they wouldn’t have gotten so far without making sure to bathe first, and now Dorian didn’t care. Truthfully, Felix didn’t either, but he was a little worried about the gigantic literal _and_ metaphorical love-declaration inked on his chest.

“When I thought… I wasn’t going to see you again,” Felix kept talking as Dorian stilled in his lap, “I didn’t want to forget you, and I just… I needed something symbolic…”

Dorian seemed to calm past that, leaning back so they could look each-other in the eye, even though Dorian’s hands were still on his hips. Felix pulled his tunic over his shoulders, smoothing out the fabric once he was free, and folding it over his arm.

Dorian’s eyes stayed glued to his chest.

Felix took a moment to look around the room Dorian had dragged them to. It was small, but nicely furnished. There was a bed, and a writing desk covered in books and cosmetics. Dorian’s bedroom, he realized. Felix felt a moment of heartbreak when he saw the number of empty wine bottles stacked in the corner.  

He looked back when he felt Dorian’s fingers tracing over the letters that Felix had inked into his skin.

“Oh, Felix,” Dorian said.

“It felt less emotionally coercive when I thought you were never going to see it,” Felix said.

“Felix…” Dorian said, again, leaning in to kiss him softly. “Amatus…”

“Are you upset?” Felix asked, their lips brushing.

“Silly man,” Dorian replied. “No, just, oh please can we stop talking for five minutes or I’ll cry again.”

Felix laughed softly.

“Of course,” he said.

 

\---

 

“Alright,” Dorian said, panting lightly. “On second thought, I do think the tattoo’s kind of ridiculous.”

“Just so long as it’s not creepy,” Felix replied.

“It’s a little creepy.”

Dorian was still rocking in his lap, so he didn’t mind too much. They’d propped all the pillows up behind Felix, so he could use his arms to hold on, instead of holding himself up. Felix had always liked being able to see Dorian’s face when they made love. He had the most expressive, beautiful face.

“I really missed you,” Felix said.

Dorian stopped moving, and his eyes got suspiciously misty all over again. Dorian tilted his head enough to kiss Felix, desperation having given way to reverence.

“Felix…”

“I’ve got you.”

And it felt like before, when they were fool enough to think they had forever because they were so in love. For all the days they’d been apart, Dorian still felt like home. Maybe he always would. Felix hoped so.

Dorian worked his hips again, rolling them slow, sharing breath. Savouring it, now that they could. Felix let Dorian take what he wanted, let his own hands map Dorian’s body anew.

There was probably an orientation that Felix was supposed to go to. He did not care.

 

\---

 

The Commander gave Felix muck out duty on the stables. Felix thought that was reasonable.

“Why aren’t you complaining?” Commander Cullen asked.

“I wasn’t where I was supposed to be, Sir,” Felix said. “I apologize.”

The Commander narrowed his eyes at Felix. Felix kept his expression mild. He would’ve smiled but some officers found that disrespectful, and he didn’t know if the Commander was a friendly sort.

“You’re not what I expected,” the Commander said.

Felix was not sure how to reply to that, so he did not.

“I thought you were from Tevinter,” the Commander added.

“Yes, Sir.”

“… Soporatus?”

“No, Sir. Altus.”

“You carry a sword.”

“Not very good at magic, Sir.”

The Commander looked both confused and upset. Felix tended to inspire that in people who weren’t used to him. It was one of the things Dorian liked about him.

“You… you know Dorian Pavus, don’t you?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“I was told you were… happy to see him, and that is why you left your contingent before debriefing.”

“I hadn’t seen him for several years, Sir, but that’s a reason, not an excuse. I should have waited.”

From a military standpoint, anyway. He felt morally and emotionally secure in his choice. He wasn’t about to tell that to a superior officer, though.

“And you two are…”

Felix blinked, once. He let the sentence lie for a while. The Commander flushed lightly.

“We are?” Felix prompted.

“… dismissed,” the Commander said. “You are dismissed.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Felix replied, before saluting and walking out the man’s office.

Dorian was waiting outside the door, arms folded and a smirk on his face. He opened his mouth, pausing when Felix held a finger up over his own lips. Dorian shook his head in response, but followed on when Felix walked off.

“Cheeky,” Dorian said, when they were halfway down the hall.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Felix said.

 

\---

 

Felix didn’t see Bull for half a week after arriving at Skyhold. It was disconcerting after having spent so much time with the man. Felix wanted to thank him, for what he’d done. Even if he hadn’t told him everything, he’d done it for the right reasons, and hadn’t allowed Felix to make decisions on limited information. Felix wanted to buy him a beer, at least.

“He’s on a mission, with the Inquisitor,” Dorian said, over breakfast.

“So soon?” Felix asked.

“Time waits for no man,” Dorian said, seemingly finding the phrase amusing for all of a second, before sobering.

Dorian had told him, about his father. Gereon was still alive, and in Tevinter, his work on temporal magic abandoned. He’d lost all drive for research after Felix’s mother had died, and Felix had left to join the Wardens. Felix entertained thoughts of visiting him once the Breach was closed, if they all lived that long.

“Still, that’s so soon, and after everything that happened at Adamant…” Felix said.

Felix looked up from his bread to see Dorian staring off just slightly to the left, the way he did when he was feeling evasive, or guilty. His hands were laid flat on the table, but Felix could see the slight curl in his fingers, like he wanted to clench them into a fist. Dorian’s breath was so even, that Felix could’ve used it as a metronome.

Dorian was, in actual fact, very good at hiding his feelings. Just not from Felix. He’d been getting cagier with every day.

“I should go to work,” Dorian said, pushing his plate away half eaten. “Shall I see you tonight?”

“Is everything alright?” Felix asked.

“Yes, of course,” Dorian replied.

Felix reached out across the table and placed his hand gently on top of Dorian’s. There was no force in it, Dorian could easily pull away if he wanted. When he didn’t, Felix slipped his fingers lower, so he could feel the thread of Dorian’s pulse. It was racing.

“Dorian, whatever it is,” Felix said. “I won’t be upset. If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Am I so easy to read?” Dorian asked, his voice soft and unsure.

“I might be a little out of practice,” Felix replied.

“I’d rather not talk here,” Dorian said.

“Let’s go for a walk,” Felix said.

 

\---

 

Dorian held himself tightly coiled, the way he did when he was anxious. Felix gave him his space, a handspan between them, but no farther. Dorian did not speak until they were out the gate, and well and truly alone.

“There was… the start of something, with Bull,” Dorian said. “We hadn’t put a name to it, but…”

“You might have, if I hadn’t come back,” Felix said, no question in his voice.

“Eventually, yes,” Dorian replied.

He couldn’t even look at Felix, kept his eyes out over the trees instead. It was still early enough that the morning birds were calling to each-other, announcing their own safety for anyone to hear.

“Do you think I’ll judge you for coming back to me, when you were spending time with someone else?” Felix asked.

This time Dorian’s hands did clench, his shoulders curving over slightly.

“How could you think well of me, if I’d…” Dorian couldn’t even finish the sentence.

“That was why you paused, when you first saw me,” Felix said. “He was there.”

“Yes,” Dorian said.

“He did something, didn’t he? Told you it was alright.”

“Yes,” Dorian said.

“Then I think you should forgive yourself for being the victim of poor timing,” Felix said.

The self-flagellation was hardly unfamiliar, and Dorian had always had a tendency to hold himself to vows he had never made. Felix empathised with his suffering, but he did so without acknowledging it as necessary. There was a hole in the sky. Felix was still a Warden. There was no happy ending like the sort that came in a story, there was only life and living it, and changing for the better what there was that could be changed.

“I wanted to talk to him,” Dorian said. “Apologize, but he left.”

It was good, that Felix was back. Maybe they could spend a little time being happy, if they did it right.

“I like the Bull,” Felix said.

Dorian looked back at him, finally, his eyes questioning.

“And I like you. I love you,” Felix said. “I want you to be happy.”

“Please, don’t-“ Dorian said.

Felix could see him drawing all the wrong conclusions, like the bloody-minded pessimist that he was.

“I don’t see why any of us have to lose out in this,” Felix said. “That’s all I’m getting at. Maybe if you talk it over with him, you won’t have to.”

Dorian looked at him, open mouthed. He looked rather amusing, with his forehead scrunched up.

“You’ll get wrinkles,” Felix said, just so he could enjoy Dorian’s resulting look of horror.

 

\---

 

Later, after they’d cuddled for a bit, and Dorian had finally calmed down, they talked it out properly. They picked a rock, sat down, and held hands while they did it, too.

“Doesn’t this upset you?” Dorian asked. “The thought of… you being here, and me spending time with someone else, as well?”

“Truthfully?” Felix said. “If I’m being completely honest; if it was someone I didn’t like, someone that I thought would be less kind to you than you deserved, then yes, that would upset me.”

“Would you want to be with other people, too?” Dorian asked.

“I don’t think so,” Felix said. “I like sex, but it doesn’t click all that often, for me.”

He would’ve blamed it on the Blight, but he’d always been that way. He needed to know someone a bit, before he wanted to sleep with them. Even then, sex was as much an exercise in intimacy as it was any other sort of gratification. Felix had thought everyone was that way until he’d met Dorian and found out there was more than one way to mould a statue.

“That doesn’t seem fair to you, if I do and you don’t,” Dorian said, his fingers tightening for a moment, around Felix’s hand.

It occurred to Felix that there was something pertinent he should say.

“While we were on the way to Skyhold, back from Adamant…” Felix said.

“Mm?” Dorian replied.

“I asked Bull if he wanted to have sex with me.”

Dorian went very still. Very, very still. The way he did when someone brought up something he might be very into, but needed time to think about.

“Ah,” Dorian said.

“He told me it should wait until after we got here,” Felix said. “In case someone minded.”

“What?” Dorian asked.

Dorian looked over to him again, his face marred by confusion.

“It’s a bit cart before the horse, but if you talk it out, and all goes well, maybe that’s something we could discuss,” Felix said.

Felix hadn’t lied, he’d always been content with one partner, had never felt like he needed more whenever he was in a relationship. Of course, being that he was a ‘Vint, Felix knew life wasn’t all about what you _needed_. Sometimes you could _want_ things, and have them.

If he could have Dorian, whom he loved, and maybe spend some time with someone he quite liked, well… that had the potential to turn out very nicely. It also covered everyone’s back a little should one of them die, but Felix didn’t feel like saying that. It was a bit morbid.

“What if you change your mind?” Dorian asked.

“Then we’ll talk about it again.”

“What if-“

“Dorian,” Felix said, cutting him off. “No matter how this goes, for good or ill, I am not letting you go now I have you back, not for as long as you’ll have me. I tattooed you on my chest and I still don’t regret it. You would have to pry me off with a chisel.”

Dorian smiled.

“Oh,” he said.

“Yes, oh,” Felix replied.

“Do you want me to get a tattoo too?” Dorian asked, raising his eyebrow.

“Oh, do shut up,” Felix replied.

 

\---

 

The Bull looked harassed when Felix finally managed to corner him in the tavern. He left Dorian at the bar to buy pints, because Dorian was panicking pretty hard, and Felix figured they’d have a better chance if Dorian had two more minutes to acclimate himself.

“It’s good to see you,” Felix said, sitting down across from him.

“Uh, you too,” the Bull said. “Look, about…”

“Dorian told me a few things,” Felix said. “It was noble of you, but unnecessary.”

“I feel uncomfortable talking about this while Dorian isn’t here,” the Bull replied firmly.

“That is fair,” Felix replied.

They were both quiet for a moment, and then they were quiet some more.

“What is Dorian doing?” the Bull asked, finally.

“Getting beer,” Felix replied.

“You know what I meant,” the Bull said.

“And you know he’s not just getting beer,” Felix said. “Give him a couple of minutes, he’ll get there.”

“He looks about ready to run out the door,” the Bull replied.

“He never does,” Felix said, trying to sound reassuring.

“It’s been a few years,” the Bull said. “Maybe he does now.”

“Alright, maybe he does, then,” Felix said.

Felix tapped his index finger on the table.

“Is he?” Felix asked.

“No,” Bull replied. “He’s not moving at all.”

“I’ll go get him,” Felix said.

 

\---

 

Felix finally got his beer, roughly a half hour later. It was very good, if only from the power of relativity. Felix sipped it and felt in great charity with the world. He only looked up from it when someone sat down across from him, at his table. It was the only other ‘Vint in Skyhold, looking at him with something like sympathy, or pity. He had his own pint with him.

“You’re the ‘Vint Warden, the one shacking up with Pavus, right?” the man asked.

“Yes,” Felix replied.

“He’s going upstairs with the Chief, you know, the Iron Bull,” he said. “Great big qunari.”

“He is, yes,” Felix said.

“If the Chief said he wanted to show off his sword, he meant that figuratively,” the man said. “Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

“I thought he used a maul,” Felix said.

“Sweet Andraste…”

“Felix, actually,” he said. “Might I ask for your name?”

“Cremisius Aclassi, call me Krem,” Krem said, looking very disappointed at him.

“They needed to talk about some things,” Felix said.

Krem continued to look disappointed, if not bereft. Felix sighed, lightly.

“And they might _talk_ about some things too, depending,” Felix said. “That is up to them.”

Krem finally loosened up, a little. It was like he went into parade rest. Krem nodded and took a sip of his own beer, seemingly content.

“Just checking,” Krem said.

 

\---

 

“What’s going on with you three?” Krem asked, later, over a game of cards.

“We’re figuring it out as we go,” Felix replied.

“Good luck,” Krem said.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a part two to this at some point, maybe. Let me know how you feel.
> 
> I worked on this for so long, and tweaked it so much, I don't know how I feel about it. I think I like it.


End file.
